


And all I want is to feel again

by storiesthatmakeus



Series: Nobody Like You [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluffy Ending, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 21:50:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12944706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: As secrets are revealed and Robert begins to move forward following his stay in hospital, Aaron begins to realise that the man he fell in love with never really went away...AKA The reunion :)





	And all I want is to feel again

**Author's Note:**

> So, a few people asked for a conclusion to the last two works I did, and here it is! I hope people like it :O This can be read as a stand alone story though....
> 
> I'm ignoring a lot of upcoming spoilers/speculation, and I am vague on how Robert ends up in hospital, as it's only mentioned briefly. In my version Robert and Vanessa are really close now, as dammit Robert needs a friend!
> 
> Hope you like, and it lifts the mood a bit because some people in the fandom are a bit sad at the moment I feel xxx

It had been a week since Robert had woken up after the accident. Seven whole days since those blue/green eyes fluttered briefly and shattered Aaron’s heart with only one word.

_‘’Rebecca.’’_

He had finally come to terms with it, had accepted the inevitable; that Robert Sugden’s love had left a permanent mark on him and no other bloke, so matter how hard they tried, would ever erase that. He knew it when he tried desperately to move on and date Alex, knew it when more than one guy tried and failed to chat him up in Bar West in the hours before he received the hysterical phone call from Victoria telling him to get to the hospital. He wasn’t ready to fight for Robert, but he was stronger, more comfortable in his own skin and he was at least ready to wait for the possibility of him.

Then he heard that name, dripped from his ex-husband’s lips in his sleepy stupor, and it was all over. He fled from the hospital before Robert could fully come to, leaning against the smoking shelter as he fought for breath. Clearly, Robert no longer wanted to fight for him.

He hadn’t gone near the hospital in the week that followed. Well, at least that’s the lie he spun everyone. In the late hours, when Liv was dead to the world and visiting time was long over, Aaron would occasionally sneak in and just watch him sleep, the man in the bed looking unexplainably small as he shuffled around in the bed. He had tried to get him out of his system, his finger hovering over Alex’s name in his phone more than once, but he knew it was fruitless. He would just wake up with a hopeful, warm body next to his and a pang of regret that he had used someone so callously.

 

‘’Hello, earth to Aaron.’’ Aaron felt the thump on his shoulder as Liv hurled a balled up napkin at him. They were in the café, and he looked up to find her gazing at him intently over her hot chocolate.

‘’What?’’

‘’You can stare at that toast all you like, it’s not gonna suddenly start talking back is it?’’

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’Stop thinking about it. I know there’s nothing to do at the scrap yard, and Adam’s busy with Vic, but I can think of one person who’d be a good distraction…’’

‘’No Liv, we’re not going through this again. I tried with Alex, and it didn’t work out okay.’’

‘’Still haven’t told me why?’’

‘’Because I didn’t have feelings for him Liv, it’s that simple.’’

‘’So, this mood, it’s nothing to do with Robert then?’’

‘’No, why would it?’’

‘’Well you haven’t said a word about him all week, and he’s out of hospital now so I figured…’’

‘’He’s out? Since when?’’

‘’Saw him going into Keepers last night when I was coming back from Gabby’s. Thought he’d be all over ya, letting ya know he was out.’’

‘’Well he hasn’t been, so can we drop it? Aren’t you meeting Gabby now anyway? Go on, or you’ll be late.’’

Aaron shepherded her out of the café, watched her head over to the B&B, where Gabby was loitering on the wall waiting for her. He waved them off, but as he turned towards his own house, he caught sight of Robert at the front door of Keepers, hugging Vanessa goodbye. Aaron hung back out of sight, and waited until the door closed before walking down the street, where she stopped him.

‘’You heading in to see Robert?’’

‘’Not today, no.’’

‘’I think it would really help him to see you.’’

‘’No, it wouldn’t. He’s got you and his family looking out for him.’’

‘’He wants you though.’’

‘’Has he said that?’’

‘’No, not in so many words…’’

‘’Well then, he’s not my problem anymore Vanessa.’’

‘’Well of course he’s not gonna say he needs you, scared that you’ll say exactly what you just said.’’

‘’I’m sorry Vanessa, but Robert seems to be doing fine on his own, so why would he even need me?’’

‘’You really don’t know do ya?’’

‘’Know what?’’

‘’Seb’s not his son.’’ She finally blurted out, before closing her mouth quickly in a vain attempt to claw back the revelation, the stunned look on Aaron’s face taking her aback.

‘’What? How?’’

‘’The accident, when he was out of it, it triggered some memories…he didn’t remember anything happening with Rebecca, thought he actually pushed her away and then passed out.’’

‘’He told you all this?’’

‘’Tracy and I went to visit him in hospital, tell him all about this New Year’s party we went to, try and perk him up, and he just told us then, think he needed to offload on someone and…’’ The _you weren’t there_ hung in the silence.

‘’So what…what’s he done?’’

‘’Found Rebecca. It was the first thing he said when he woke up apparently. Wanted to track her down, get the truth.’’ Aaron felt a clench in his chest as he recalled the moment Robert came to.

‘’And did he?’’ Vanessa nodded.

‘’Called his solicitor. Once them lot up there were threatened with legal action, it turned out she was hiding up there all along. But it’s over now Aaron, she admitted it.’’

‘’How is he?’’

‘’Why don’t you go and see for yourself?’’ Vanessa patted him gently on the shoulder and walked off, leaving Aaron to gaze up at Keepers.

It took him all of thirty seconds to wrestle with his decision before he was knocking on the door, shuffling awkwardly as he waited for it to open. He was just about to leave when he heard the latch turn, and Robert was standing in front of him, his hair in disarray and eyes more tired than Aaron had ever seen them.

‘’Aaron, what are you doing here?’’

‘’Vanessa told me…it’s true?’’ Robert nodded. ‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’

‘’No, I can’t, not yet.’’

‘’But this is me.’’

‘’Exactly. I can’t talk to you about this Aaron, you’ve already been too involved, it’s not fair on you, and I need to figure this out myself.’’

‘’But Rob…’’

‘’Please Aaron, just go.’’

Robert closed the door gently as he turned away, leaving Aaron to stand alone in the cold, staring at the departing figure of his ex-husband, wondering what he could have said to make him invite him in.

 

Three days went by, three whole days without a peep from Robert. Aaron had felt the looks everywhere he went; the whispered conversations in the café and pub, debates raging over how the great Machiavellian Robert Sugden could have been tricked so easily. Shrugging off his mother’s constant barrage of questions, as well as his own doubts, he found himself outside Keepers once more. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

‘’Before you send me away, I want you to know that I’m ready to listen to whatever it is you need to say.’’ Aaron said before Robert could get a word in once he’d opened the door. ‘’I’m here for you Robert, you can’t bottle this up.’’

His speech garnered a small smile from the man opposite him, who stood aside to let him in.

‘’Fancy a brew?’’

 

‘’My solicitor wanted to file a parental fraud case.’’ Robert said moments later as he flicked on the kettle, Aaron hovering against the counter behind him.

‘’I didn’t know that was a thing.’’

‘’Apparently so.’’ Robert shrugged. ‘’She willingly accepted significant amounts of money for a child that she knew couldn’t be mine. He said we’d have a strong case.’’

‘’But you didn’t want to go down that road?’’

‘’Wasn’t worth it. I’m done fighting Aaron, I don’t have the energy for it anymore.’’

‘’Yea, I know how that feels.’’

‘’Turns out I didn’t need to.’’ Robert continued. ‘’Lawrence paid up anyway, didn’t want to risk going to court when it was a certainty they’d lose.’’

‘’Robert, I don’t get it…surely you’d remember?’’

‘’I didn’t, just blocked it all out, guess I assumed the worst and she let me.’’ Robert answered, but there was not bitterness in his tone, just regret.

‘’So…what happens now?’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Seb?’’ Aaron asked hesitantly. ‘’You gonna see him one more time or…?’’

‘’To say goodbye?’’ Aaron nodded. ‘’No, it would be too hard, I need to let him go, and I couldn’t face seeing that family. They’ve all taken off anyway, so it’s done now.’’

‘’Robert…’’

‘’I’m okay Aaron, really.’’ Aaron raised an eyebrow. ‘’Well I’m not, but I’ll get there.’’

‘’So, how can I help you get there?’’ Aaron saw tears prick Robert’s eyes for the briefest of moments, and he saw it; the gratitude he had towards Aaron. It made his heart swell just a little to know he still had that effect on Robert, and he waited patiently for an answer.

‘’Just talk to me about anything, have you found a new site for the scrap yard yet?’’ Robert asked, and Aaron took that as his cue, babbling away about the Dingle army preparing to raise hell on the developers and keep their land. He took a moment every now and then to sip his tea, his little breaks in conversation a chance for him to see a little spark of light come back to Robert’s eyes, just for a second each time, but there nonetheless. It made Aaron determined to light the fire inside him completely, in what way yet he didn’t know, but he would keep going until he found out.

 

 

‘’Aaron?’’

Aaron looked up from his spot on the couch, finding his little sister twiddling with a pen as she waited for him to acknowledge her.

‘’Yes Olivia?’’

‘’Why hasn’t Robert come round?’’

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’Well, I figured now the truth is out, he’d be banging down the door looking for another chance.’’

‘’He has a lot going on right now, trying to get better after the accident and everything with Rebecca.’’

‘’But they never even slept together, doesn’t that change things?’’

‘’It’s not as simple as that Liv.’’

‘’Why not? Doesn’t he want to be with us anymore?’’

‘’Where’s this even come from? Wasn’t that long ago you were sick of the sight of him and wanted him burned at the stake.’’

‘’Well things are different now, and…I miss him.’’ She finally admitted quietly.

‘’Well then go and tell him that, I’m sure he’d love to see you.’’ Aaron replied kindly.

‘’I can’t.’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’All those things I said to him, I called him scum Aaron, I wished him dead, and he’s gonna hate me for pushing Alex on you.’’

‘’He doesn’t hate you Liv. He loves you.’’

‘’So why isn’t he here telling me that?’’ She asked, suddenly seeming very young as a tear threatened to escape her, and Aaron couldn’t give her an answer, in truth because he knew it couldn’t be Robert who made the first move, not this time.

 

 

‘’So, what’s with the coffee morning? Is there some cause I haven’t been told about? The Robert Sugden Rehabilitation fund?’’

‘’Very funny, just be patient and you’ll see.’’

A few days had passed since his talk with Liv, and in all honesty, and even though he had been texting him a little, Aaron hadn’t been entirely sure that Robert would reply to his early morning breakfast invitation. He should have known not to worry, not when the man in question was ready and waiting with two bacon butties and coffee when he arrived at the café. But now, Aaron could tell that Robert’s curiosity was getting the better of him, and he was trying to look nonchalant when the subject of their meeting came through the door.

‘’Since when do you summon me places at this hour Aaron?’’ Liv asked in her most exasperated tone, as she waved a hastily written note around, stopping short when she caught sight of Robert, who instantly realised what was happening. Aaron suddenly felt nervous. He had chosen the café as neutral territory, but it was in the midst of the pre-work rush, so maybe it wasn’t the best idea. Nevertheless, they were here now, so he ploughed on.

‘’Liv, is there something you’d like to say to Robert?’’

‘’No, few things I’d like to say to you though.’’ Liv snapped back, eliciting a small chuckle from Robert, but his face soon dropped and he looked contrite.

‘’Liv.’’ He said softly. ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’Heard that before.’’ She scoffed, getting a pointed look from Aaron.

‘’You’re right, but I meant it then and I mean it now. I’m sorry I hurt you Liv. But you know...’’ he continued as he glanced quickly at Aaron, ‘’It’s what big brothers do isn’t it? Ruin their little sisters’ lives.’’

Aaron saw it, the moment the walls came down. Robert saw it too, the way her small shoulders suddenly relaxed and she unfolded her arms. She eyed up Robert cautiously, waiting for the moment he would retract his statement, but the moment never came. Instead, she allowed herself to be pulled into an all too brief hug, before she swatted Robert’s arms away and pretended not to wipe a tear away from her cheek as she muttered something about missing her bus.

‘’I still hate you a little.’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’I’ve got a maths test on Friday.’’

‘’You know where to find me.’’

‘’I’m sorry, that she lied to you.’’ Liv suddenly said quietly. ‘’And I’m sorry…about the things I said.’’

‘’It’s forgotten.’’ Robert replied kindly.

And with that, she was gone, a lightness in her step that Aaron hadn’t seen in quite some time. He turned back to Robert, feeling quite smug with his morning’s achievements, but the smile disappeared when he saw the look on Robert’s face.

‘’Robert, what is it?’’

‘’Can we get out of here?’’

‘’Yea, course.’’

 

Ten minutes later, they found themselves with two takeaway coffees at the bridge, Aaron sipping cautiously as he waited for Robert to speak.

‘’I’ve decided to tell Diane and Vic…about dad.’’ Robert finished quietly as he watched the stream trickle along beneath them.

‘’Really? What’s brought this on?’’

‘’A few reasons, I guess. Vanessa, well she came round the other day to check up on me. We got talking about her, being bisexual or whatever it is she feels she is, and she asked me…’’

‘’Go on…?’’

‘’Why it took me so long to come out.’’

‘’And what did you tell her?’’

‘’The obvious, that I had nobody worth coming out for before you.’’ Aaron’s breath hitched at Robert’s admission, but he steadied his breathing as the other man continued to talk. ‘’I also mentioned dad, no details, just said that he suspected and I didn’t want to prove him right.’’

‘’So why tell Diane and Vic now?’’

‘’Because you were right, at the wedding, when you said it would help. But I didn’t do it, because you knew, and that was enough.’’

‘’And now?’’

‘’It’s time to stop living like this. I was protecting him, but I don’t know why, not anymore. And Diane was right, that day in the café. For a moment, I was a father, and I was letting that boy down by keeping this secret. I’d hate any son of mine ever feeling he had to keep my secrets. If I ever get the chance to be a dad again, I want to do it properly. That means telling the truth for once.’’

‘’Well I’m really proud of you, Robert.’’ Aaron smiled softly.

‘’Yea?’’ The disbelief in his voice made Aaron’s stomach clench.

‘’Of course. Let me buy you a pint after yea? You can tell me how it went?’’

‘’I’d like that.’’ Robert smiled back. ‘’Well, there’s no time like the present to rip the plaster off. Thank you Aaron, for listening.’’

‘’Always. Good luck.’’

 

 

‘’So, you and David seem back on track then?’’

Aaron was stood behind the bar, covering for his mum while she took advantage of the lull to do unspeakable things to Paddy. Tracy glanced behind her at her smiling husband.

‘’Yea, we are. I mean, it helps that Leyla’s packed herself to Greece, but it’s thanks to your Robert actually.’’

‘’He’s not my…Why, what did he do?’’

‘’He told me that if I thought of doing anything to get back at David, to ask myself if Robert Sugden would do it, and if the answer was yes, to do the complete opposite.’’ Tracy laughed. ‘’Made me see it wasn’t worth it to lose him; who knew he had such hidden depths eh?’’

‘’Yea…guess so.’’ Aaron agreed as he watched Tracy pick up her drinks.

‘’Oh, and Aaron?’’ She said as she turned away.

‘’Yea?’’

‘’No matter how much you deny it, he’ll always be your Robert.’’ She smirked knowingly as she joined David, pressing a kiss to his cheek and smiling back at Aaron. The thought caused a surge of warmth to pass through Aaron as he thought of Robert as still his.

He glanced at his phone to see there were no messages from him. He had been expecting Robert to come through the door and meet him for a drink after speaking with Diane and Vic, but there had been radio silence from him since their earlier chat. Taking advantage of Charity’s surprise appearance behind the bar and ignoring her protests, he took off to Keepers.

‘’Hey.’’ He said softly as soon as Robert opened the door.

‘’Aaron, what are you doing here?’’

‘’We said we’d meet for a drink remember?’’

‘’Oh yea, sorry, completely forgot, my mind’s been all over the place.’’

‘’Don’t worry.’’ Aaron replied, trying to mask the sting at the rejection, which evaporated completely as soon as he got a proper look at Robert’s face. ‘’It didn’t go well did it?’’

‘’Vic was okay, Diane…she didn’t believe me.’’

‘’What? Nah mate, that’s not on.’’

‘’Said the Jack Sugden she knew would never lay a hand on his son.’’ Robert shrugged.

‘’Robert, I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Not your fault is it?’’

‘’But still, can I do anything?’’ Robert shook his head.

‘’No, thank you though. I think I’m just gonna head to bed, it’s been a long day.’’

‘’Vic not in?’’ Robert shook his head. ‘’You shouldn’t be on your own.’’

‘’It’s okay Aaron, really.’’

‘’I can stay…if you want, until you fall asleep?’’ Aaron asked hesitantly, regretting the words as soon as they slipped out. They were full of affection, the kind of words passed between the lips of lovers, not two people in a weird ‘ _we were married once but now we’re trying for mates even though we’ve never done that before’_ scenario that Aaron and Robert were currently in.

‘’You don’t have to…’’

‘’But I want to.’’ Aaron replied with more conviction, seeing the look on Robert’s face.

 

Once Aaron was certain that Robert had drifted off, he slipped quietly out of Keepers and before he knew it, he found himself at Brook Cottage, hammering on the door until an exasperated Doug answered it.

‘’Aaron lad, what are you doing?’’ Doug asked, but Aaron ignored him, pushing past him until he found Diane, hovering over two mugs of tea in the kitchen.

‘’Aaron, pet…?’’

‘’Save it Diane, I know what Robert’s told you, and I wanna know why you don’t believe him?’’

‘’Look pet, I don’t know what Robert said to you, but he’s gotten it all wrong, my Jack would never have touched him, not for that.’’

‘’Yea well, I think your husband Jack and Robert’s father Jack were two very different people Diane.’’

‘’Come on now lad, that’s enough.’’ Doug interjected.

‘’No Doug, she needs to hear this. Robert’s trying his best to turn things around, and you do this? Do you even know how much courage it took him to come here and tell you this? Tell Vic that the dad she idolised was a homophobic bully? Do you really think Robert would make something like this up, break his little sister’s heart for the fun of it?’’

‘’Aaron, I knew my husband, he wouldn’t hit Robert. He was a good father to that boy.’’

‘’I think you only have to look at me to know how well fathers can hide how they really treat their sons, so maybe you didn’t know him as well as you think you did.’’

‘’That’s not fair.’’ Doug butted in again.

‘’No, what’s not fair is that you’re his step-mum Diane, and you only ever come crawling out of the woodwork when it’s to point out what a disappointment he is. He needed you Diane, he needed you when I was in prison but you weren’t there, and he needed you to listen to him today and be on his side but you let him down. Is it any wonder he pulls the stunts he does, when he doesn’t have anyone believing in him?’’

‘’Right lad, you’ve said your piece, it’s time you were going.’’ Doug said, as Diane stared at Aaron in stunned silence.

‘’You know something Diane?’’ Aaron continued, his voice softening now as he hovered by the door. ‘’My counsellor reckons that everyone wants to feel like there’s someone in their life who cares enough to see when they’re about to go over the edge and pull them back, just tell them in no uncertain terms that they’re being an idiot and stop them doing something stupid. You were always there Diane, but only after Robert had already gone over the cliff, so maybe he’s not the only one who needs to change eh?’’

Aaron closed the door behind him softly, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, his legs shaking underneath him as he pulled himself together and headed for the Mill.

 

 

Aaron was still stewing over his words with Diane the next day when he saw the pint dropped in front of him. Looking up, he was surprised to see Robert smiling down at him.

‘’What’s that for?’’

‘’Well I promised you a pint last night didn’t I?’’

‘’And?’’ Aaron asked sceptically, recognising the secretive look on Robert’s face.

‘’And…’’ Robert smirked. ‘’Diane came to see me today.’’

‘’Oh yea?’’

‘’Yea…said she had her perspective on the situation changed…know anything about that do you?’’

‘’Nope.’’ Aaron replied casually, but his knowing smile gave him away. ‘’But I’m glad to hear it. How are things with you two now?’’

‘’Better.’’ Robert admitted. ‘’She apologised, said she didn’t want to believe it, which I get. We’ve promised each other we’ll talk more, can’t guarantee how long that will last, but it’s a start.’’

‘’That’s really good Robert.’’ Aaron replied softly, a smile pulling at lips. ‘’Fancy joining me?’’

‘’Can’t I’m afraid. Nicola’s on the warpath over some haulage contract that Jimmy cocked up and I offered to help Bernice go over the salon figures because apparently her accountant is ridiculous.’’

‘’And do you get anything in return for these charitable acts?’’

‘’Yes, actually Bernice has promised me a manicure, colour of my choosing.’’ Robert joked.

‘’Well, you did always like a French tip.’’ Aaron fired back, trying to hide his blush slightly when he saw the smile cross Robert’s features. ‘’Another time though, yea?’’ he asked, trying to keep the hope out of his voice.

‘’Yea, of course.’’ Robert began walking away, but turned back. ‘’Thank you Aaron.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’For speaking to Diane, and for seeing the good in me when nobody else did, when I didn’t see it in myself.’’

Robert walked away before Aaron could respond, too bewildered by what he just heard to formulate words. But he didn’t need to say anything, because the butterflies in his stomach told him everything he needed to know.

 

 

‘’It’s really that easy?’’

‘’That easy.’’ Robert confirmed.

‘’Then why did it take me so long to get it?’’ Liv asked, exasperated.

‘’Because you didn’t give yourself the chance to believe you would.’’ Robert said gently.

Aaron smiled as he approached Robert and Liv in their booth at the pub, catching the tail end of their conversation as Robert helped her with the algebraic equations she had been pecking Aaron’s head about all week. She was still nervous around Robert, still convinced he would bolt, and it had taken another one of Aaron’s carefully constructed run ins with him to give her the push she needed to ask for his help, which he agreed to immediately.

Now, here they were, Liv polishing off her homework – and Robert’s chips, which he pretended not to notice – and Aaron felt those same butterflies in his stomach again, but he brushed them away.

‘’All sorted now yea?’’ He asked as he sat down next to Liv.

‘’Finally.’’ Liv huffed in agreement as she packed up her stuff. ‘’Take this back to the Mill for me yea? I’m gonna meet Gabby.’’ She asked, shoving her bag at Aaron, who took it with a snort.

‘’You got time for that pint?’’ Aaron asked once Liv had disappeared.

‘’Yea, why not?’’ Robert smiled. ‘’Let me.’’ He hopped out of his seat and was back in two minutes, pints in hand.

‘’Everything okay?’’ he asked, seeing the puzzling look on Aaron’s face.

‘’Yea, sorry just thinking, you wanna sit outside? They’re setting that up and I don’t know if my ears can take it.’’ He finished, pointing at the corner, which Bob and Rodney were bickering over a karaoke machine.

‘’Good idea.’’ Robert answered, and soon they found themselves sitting side by side on the picnic bench, a slight chill floating around them, but neither of them acknowledging it.

‘’So how’ve you been, with everything?’’ Aaron asked, once they’d both settled with their pints.

‘’Okay I guess, pretty good actually.’’

‘’Do you miss him?’’ Aaron broached the subject hesitantly, knowing that Robert would know whom he meant.

‘’A little, but for the most part I’m okay, doing better than I thought I’d be, that’s for sure.’’ Robert replied softly.

‘’Robert, there you are.’’ Vanessa’s appearance interrupted Aaron’s next question as she appeared in front of them, looking incredibly nervous. ‘’I’m sorry to butt in, I’m just having a panic…oh I dunno, what’s wrong with me?’’

‘’It’s okay. Hey, what’s up?’’ Robert asked.

‘’I’ve got a date.’’ Vanessa practically whispered, looking from Robert to Aaron with a mixture of fear and glee.

‘’Oh yea?’’ Aaron asked, smiling. ‘’So what’s the problem?’’

‘’Who is she?’’ Robert followed up, knowing the reason behind her fears.

‘’I met her a few weeks back at the New Year’s Eve thing. Oh God, I dunno what I’m doing, maybe I should just cancel.’’ Vanessa stuttered, but Robert hopped off the bench and wrapped an arm around her.

‘’No you won’t. You’ll go and meet her, looking beautiful and you’ll knock her off her feet. And if she doesn’t like you then that’s her problem and she’s not worth it.’’

‘’It’s that simple?’’ Vanessa asked sceptically.

‘’Probably not, no, but if it turns out to be a car crash then you come back to mine, I’ll get you good and drunk and make you laugh until you forget the whole thing ever happened, yea?’’

‘’Since when you have you made people laugh?’’ Aaron snorted.

‘’Do you not remember my witty one-liners?’’ Aaron cocked an eyebrow in response to Robert’s question. ‘’Ignore him, do we have a deal?’’ Robert asked.

‘’Deal.’’ Vanessa smiled, feeling more confident. ‘’Thanks Robert, I’ll leave you to it, wish me luck.’’

‘’Good luck.’’ Aaron said kindly as he watched her totter off. ‘’You’re really good with her.’’

‘’She’s been really good to me.’’ Robert countered. ‘’Guess it’s because we’ve both been in similar positions, sort of.’’

A silence fell between them after Robert’s admission, and Aaron twirled his empty glass around in his hand.

‘’There’s something on your mind, isn’t there?’’ Robert asked quietly, breaking the lull.

‘’It’s nothing.’’

‘’You can tell me Aaron.’’

‘’It’s just you’ve been such a good mate to Vanessa, and Tracy actually. Sometimes I wonder…’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Would you be friends with her if we were still together?’’

‘’I dunno, maybe, maybe not. Why do you ask?’’

‘’Did I stop you having friends?’’

‘’Female friends, you mean?’’

Aaron shrugged shyly in response.

‘’No, of course not. Why would you ask that?’’

‘’I dunno.’’ Aaron shrugged. ‘’I guess I just wondered, if I was too needy and insecure, took too up much of you, and you didn’t get a chance to have friends because of me.’’

‘’I’m pretty sure _I_ stopped me having friends, Aaron.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’Aaron, you’re not to blame. I wanted you to take up all my time, you and Liv.’’

‘’You did?’’

‘’Still don’t know how much you both meant to me eh?’’

Aaron blushed at Robert’s words, and he couldn’t meet his eyes. He could tell that Robert was waiting for him to speak, was leaving the ball in his court.

‘’I did know.’’ He finally admitted shyly with a smile, and he risked a glance at Robert, who was smiling kindly back at him. Robert was continuing to gaze at him with a strange expression, and it was making Aaron feel embarrassed.

‘’What?’’

‘’Nothing, you’ve just got one of those faces.’’

‘’What kind of face?’’ Aaron asked cautiously, feeling very self-conscious.

‘’One that deserves a permanent smile. I’m sorry I never gave you that.’’

‘’No Rob, that’s not true. ‘’Aaron argued softly. ‘’Why would you say that?’’

‘’Been thinking a lot lately, about how I treat people. My mum used to always say that there are two types of people in the world; those who leave marks, and those who leave scars. I think we both know which category I fall into.’’

‘’You really think that about yourself?’’

‘’Aaron, you only have to look in the mirror to see the scars I left on you.’’

‘’That wasn’t all you Robert.’’ Aaron suddenly felt a desperate need to reassure the man sitting beside him. ‘’All these years, people kept warning me off, telling me not to let you get in my head. But it was never all you, not completely. The problem was letting other people in my head.’’

‘’Aaron, you don’t need to say this.’’

‘’Yes, I do. I let everyone tell me how to live my life, without even realising it. It didn’t matter how many times you told me you loved me, or all the things you did for me. One comment from my mum or Liv and I just let it fester. And I couldn’t talk to you, because I was scared I’d push you away, and well…you know how that turned out. And then I let them push me into dating Alex when I wasn’t ready, because I needed to prove something to them.’’

‘’You didn’t like Alex then?’’

‘’No…well yea a little…but not nearly enough to make it worth it. He was a really good bloke, but he wasn’t right for me.’’

‘’But you wanted to shut Chas and Liv up?’’

‘’Yea, you know what they’re like.’’

‘’Why are you telling me this?’’

‘’Because you should know that everything we went through, it wasn’t entirely your fault Robert. We should have talked more…at the time.’’

‘’Yea…at the time.’’ Robert agreed. ‘’But it’s nice, talking to you now.’’

‘’Yea, it is.’’ Aaron seconded and he felt a shiver run down his spine. But he knew it wasn’t from the cold. It was the kind of shiver that only occurred when Robert Sugden was looking at him in _that_ way, his eyes flickering all over Aaron’s face, taking him in. Aaron bit his lip involuntarily, and it drew Robert’s gaze downwards. The air suddenly felt very static, and Aaron could feel himself edging closer, unable to stop himself.

But then he felt it; the hint of a breeze as the gap between him and Robert widened, and the other man was pulling away, every so slightly, bundling his coat up as he fidgeted with his zip.

‘’Cold air and beer probably isn’t the best combination.’’ Robert said casually. ‘’It’d make you feel dizzy.’’ He laughed, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

‘’Yea, you’re right.’’ Aaron agreed, shrugging off the shiver that was still tickling his back. ‘’I should go…let ya get the wine ready in case Vanessa needs you.’’

‘’Definitely, I’ll see you later, yea?’’ Robert asked.

‘’Course, see you around Rob.’’

Robert hopped off his perch and made his way to Keepers, leaving Aaron alone on the bench. It took him several minutes before he could pull himself together enough to head back into the warmth of the pub, and even more to get his heart rate under control again. There was no point in denying to himself any more; Robert Sugden was back in his heart, not that he had never really left to begin with.

 

 

‘’Where’s Liv tonight?’’

Silence.

‘’Oi, you listening to me?’’

‘’Sorry?’’

‘’Fine, ignore your mother, I’ll just pour the drinks.’’

Aaron tried to pay attention to Chas’s mutterings, but his eyes kept drifting over to the other side of the bar, where Robert, Tracy and Vanessa were huddled together, Vanessa blushing madly and trying to suppress a giggle while Robert smiled at her encouragingly. They were all looking down at Vanessa’s phone, and even from Aaron’s vantage point he could see she was typing furiously, Robert and Tracy nodding on either side of her.

‘’Wonder what they’re all conspiring together for?’’ Chas asked, following his eye line.

‘’Probably something to do with the date Vanessa went on the other night.’’ Aaron replied, pretending not to watch them and failing miserably.

‘’Ooh yea, new man eh?’’

‘’Woman actually.’’ Aaron corrected her. ‘’Best not tell our Charity eh?’’

Aaron hopped off his stool and headed to the bathroom, but on the way back, nearly collided with Robert, who grabbed him by the arms to steady him and their eyes locked.

‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hi.’’

Aaron became acutely aware that Robert was still holding onto him, and so did Robert evidently, as he dropped his hands immediately.

‘’So, I’m guessing you didn’t need the emergency wine the other day then?’’

‘’I’m sorry?’’

‘’Vanessa?’’

‘’Oh, yea. Well she would have needed to make it home in the first place wouldn’t she?’’ Robert asked with a wink, and Aaron realised just how much he missed that little glint in Robert’s eye.

‘’Went that well eh? So you been giving her pointers yea?’’

‘’Yea, basically told her to ignore anything I advise her to do.’’ Robert said it with a smile, but Aaron got the meaning behind it and his heart hurt a little at Robert’s low opinion of himself. ‘’Anyway, I need…’’ he pointed behind Aaron.

‘’Yea, course, I’ll see you back out there.’’

Aaron walked back into the bar, and straight into the arms of a buoyant Adam, who was grinning from ear to ear.

‘’What have you done?’’ Aaron asked suspicious of his mate’s glee.

‘’Only gone and found us a new site for the scrap yard.’’ Adam exclaimed.

‘’What? How?’’

‘’Wore mum down didn’t I? She’s given us a piece of land on the farm, far enough away from the all the food prep to keep the Health and Safety officers happy, and rent-free. Happy days man.’’ Adam beamed as he embraced Aaron. ‘’Oi Robert, you hear that?’’

‘’What?’’ Aaron heard behind him, as Robert returned from the bathroom.

‘’Your investment is safe man. Holy Scrap lives. What say we have a pint to celebrate eh? First round on our number one investor?’’ Adam chirped cheekily, but Robert took the bait, signalling for three pints from Chas.

 

Two hours later, and the celebrations were still on going, Adam chattering away to anyone who’d listen how he singlehandedly saved their business from closure. Aaron had been nursing a pint, a decision having formed in his head as he watched the merriment continue. He had felt it all night, a fizzing in his stomach every time he glanced at Robert and saw him looking back at him, a dazzling smile on his face. He’d felt it when they sat side by side, their knees knocking together as they watched Adam recount the moment Moira had caved to his pleading. He felt the jealousy when some woman on a hen party had draped her arm all over Robert, and the relief when he politely pushed her away. So here he was, waiting to put his plan into action. He was terrified. Taking the initiative had always been Robert’s area of expertise, but Aaron was about to give him a run for his money.

 

‘’I’m a bit sleepy’’ Aaron said in a drunk whisper a little while later, pressing his head on Robert’s shoulder as the other man slumped down beside him, still sober as a judge having only had the one pint. Adam had long since left, dragged home by Victoria after his fifth rendition of _I Will Survive_ garnered a threat of unemployment from Chas if she didn’t get her wayward husband out of the Woolpack.

‘’Come on, let’s get you home eh?’’

The walk to the Mill in the brisk cold did little to sober Aaron up, who was still a little tipsy.

‘’Thanks for looking after me Rob.’’

‘’Anytime.’’

‘’Sorry I’m a bit drunk.’’

‘’You’re alright mate, don’t worry.’’

They reached the Mill in a reasonable amount of time, considering Aaron’s tendency to stop and poke Rob in the chest for no reason.

‘’Keys?’’

‘’In my jacket.’’ Aaron fished them out quickly but then proceeded to drop them on the ground. Robert let out a chuckle before picking them up and opening the door.

‘’You can manage from here, yea?’’

‘’Yea, thanks Rob.’’

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow Aaron, sleep well.’’ Robert replied softly as he turned away.

‘’Rob?’’

‘’Yea Aaron?’’ Aaron felt his legs buckle at the way Robert caressed his name.

‘’Are you ever gonna kiss me?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’You heard me.’’ Aaron repeated shyly.

‘’Aaron, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’’ Robert replied lightly, clearly trying for humour in his tone.

‘’You don’t wanna kiss me?’’

‘’We’re mates aren’t we?’’

‘’Yea…’’

‘’You don’t really wanna kiss your mate do ya?’’

Aaron shrugged.

‘’Let’s talk in the morning then, yea?’’

‘’Okay…’’

‘’Night Aaron.’’

‘’Night Rob.’’

As soon as Robert was out of his sight, Aaron straightened himself, suddenly completely sobered up. He stepped into the warmth of the Mill, and fought back the tears prickling in his eyes as his ridiculous dream disappeared and he realised the truth; that Robert was a mate, and that was all he wanted from Aaron.

 

It was over.

 

 

‘’Okay, what’s up? You’ve got that twitch again.’’

Aaron was sitting in moody silence in the portacabin, and Adam had clearly had enough of his hilarious – in his opinion – jokes being ignored. He had resorted to throwing balled up sheets of paper at Aaron until finally he looked up.

‘’Mate, I’ve done something stupid.’’

‘’Oh yea? Spill it bro, been starved of entertainment lately.’’

‘’I…’’ Aaron paused as he tried to decipher the deluge of words in his head. A noise from outside momentarily distracted him and for a second he thought there was someone there, but no other noises came so he shrugged it off.

‘’Anytime today bro.’’ Adam chuckled.

‘’After you and Vic left the other night, I…got a little tipsy, but I knew what I was doing...and I sorta asked Robert to kiss me…’’ Aaron practically whispered.

‘’Ya did what?’’ Adam howled with laughter, earning himself a punch from Aaron, which did little to silence him.

‘’It’s not funny Adam, and besides, he backed off, so it was a pathetic idea anyway.’’

‘’What possessed ya?’’

‘’I just wanted to know if there was still something there and I figured…’’

‘’You figured you’d have some Dutch courage, ask him and if he backed off then you could pretend it was the booze talking, forget it happened and still be his mate?’’ Adam finished in a shockingly rare display of perception.

‘’I know it’s not the brightest idea I’ve ever had…but kinda, yea…’’

‘’Awh mate, and I thought you were supposed to be the brains out of the two of us.’’ Adam said, continuing to laugh.

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’Well of course he wasn’t gonna do anything if you were a bit tipsy. Didn’t want to take advantage and all that, he was probably worried you’d regret it the next day.’’

‘’Ya reckon?’’

‘’Well yea. Honestly, you boys are as bad as each other. Vic’s told me about all the pathetic excuses he uses to visit the Mill, what next? _Oh Aaron, I left the lid of my favourite pen on your table, can I come round and get it?’’_ Adam smirked, doing a scarily uncanny impression of Robert’s voice _._ ‘’Here’s a novel idea; why don’t you just ask him how he feels?’’

‘’What if he doesn’t feel the same?’’

‘’Bro, this is Robert we’re talking about here.’’

‘’But he’s changed a lot lately. He’s not the same _I’m just gonna go after what I want, screw the world_ guy anymore.’’

‘’I’m sure he’ll make an exception for you mate.’’ Adam smiled.

‘’So, I just ask him?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’It's that simple is it? I just walk straight up to him and say; Robert, are you still in love with me?’’

Adam gave him a thumbs up sign before heading out of the portacabin, still chuckling away to himself as he left Aaron alone to figure out his plan. He had his question; he just needed to brace himself to hear the answer.

 

 

Aaron was pacing, the Mill kitchen feeling far too small as he waited for Robert to show up. He’d studiously avoided him for the past two days, with the exception of sending him two texts, one in response to the message he had woken up to from him the morning after the night before, and one inviting him over tonight.

_Hope the head’s okay and you got to bed in one piece._

_Yep just about. Did you walk me home? Night’s a bit of a blur._

_Yea, got you home. Don’t worry you didn’t embarrass yourself; Adam had that covered._

_Cheers then, again. You wanna come over for a beer sometime?_

_Sure, how about tomorrow?_

And now here he was, pacing, Adam’s words ringing in his head.

 

_Just ask him._

A knock at the door made him freeze briefly, and he took a deep breath before letting Robert in. He looked nervous too, Aaron noticed, and he wondered if Robert was replaying that night in his head as well, wondering how to let Aaron down gently.

‘’No Liv?’’ Robert asked once they made it to the kitchen.

‘’Nah, I decided it was time she earned her keep, so she’s at the pub, collecting glasses and terrorising the locals probably.’’ Aaron joked.

‘’Well it’s her God given gift, may as well earn her some money’’ Robert joked back. ‘’So, you mentioned a beer?’’

‘’Eh, yea.’’ Aaron made his way to the fridge, but he paused. He needed to do it now, rip the plaster off. Taking a deep breath, he turned back around.

‘’Robert, there’s something…’’ Aaron began, but his words were cut off before he could continue, Robert’s lips suddenly on his, enveloping him in a searing kiss that made every part of his body tingle. He could feel the blood rushing to his head as Robert’s lips continued to press against his, their tongues and teeth clashing as they gripped each other. Aaron could feel Robert’s hands snake up his back, and he felt goose bumps all along his neck as Robert kissed him.

Suddenly, and much too soon, it was all over, as Robert pulled away from him.

‘’The answer’s yes Aaron.’’ Robert breathed out, and Aaron felt his skin prickle all over him with the intensity of Robert’s gaze.

‘’But you don’t even…’’ Aaron started.

‘’Yes, Aaron Dingle, I’m still in love with you.’’ Robert interjected, his face breaking into a soft, sappy smile that was just so _Robert_ it made Aaron’s heart ache.

‘’How did you…?’’ Aaron finally managed to choke out after a beat of silence.

‘’I heard you and Adam, I heard everything.’’

‘’Everything?’’ Aaron repeated, suddenly well aware of the implications of that question.

‘’Everything.’’ Robert confirmed. ‘’Getting a bit drunk to see how I felt was the most idiotic plan I’ve ever heard of, and I’m the expert in idiotic plans.’’ Aaron opened his mouth to protest, but Robert silenced him. ‘’But you were an adorable drunk. You’re _my_ adorable drunk, and I’m in love with you. Always have been.’’

‘’Always have been?’’

‘’Always will be.’’

Aaron surged forward, wrapping his arms around Robert and kissing him again. This time, it was slow, deliberate and tender, Aaron trying to put everything he felt for the man opposite him into his kiss, trying to say what words could never convey. He was stunned when he felt Robert push him away again, and he saw it: the search for doubt in his eyes, without Robert having to say anything.

‘’I want you Robert.’’ Aaron assured him, feeling more confident than he had in a long time. ‘’I miss you, I love you, and I want you back in my life, properly.’’

‘’Are you sure though Aaron?’’ Robert had never looked more uncertain in all the time Aaron had known him, and it broke his heart. ‘’I’ve thought about this so much but…I’m not the same man you fell in love with anymore.’’

‘’Yes you are. I didn’t fall in love with the scheming, money hungry man everyone else used to know. I fell for the kind, smart, funny idiot who other people are finally starting to see. He was lost for a while, but he's back now.’’

‘’Aaron…’’

‘’Robert, you said to me once that you didn’t fall for a quitter. Well I did quit once, but it was probably the best decision I made…no let me finish.’’ Aaron continued, seeing Robert’s reaction. ‘’I needed you too much back then, and you needed me. We were too scared to think of ourselves without each other. Neither of us thought we were good enough for the other, and it destroyed us.’’

‘’And now?’’

‘’And now, we’ve both changed a lot these past few months, and I’m ready to be different, with you. So let me prove it to you.’’ Aaron smiled, taking Robert gently by the hand and leading up the stairs, flicking the lights off as they went.

 

Aaron woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He was aching all over, in a delicious, _I’ve just had the best make up sex ever with the love of my life_ way. He rolled over and was surprised to find Robert’s side of the bed empty. Instead of finding his husband curled up against him, he found a note, hastily written and clearly discarded quickly. His stomach dropped as he unfurled it and read the short but blunt message inside.

_I’m sorry, had to go. I’ll call you later._

That was it. After laying his heart on the line, one note was all he got. He felt the tears trying to force themselves from his eyes, but the hurt was nothing compared to the anger he felt for letting himself fall for Robert again.

The feelings of shame and anger soon began to escalate, and he needed answers. Hastily throwing on some clothes, he hurried out of the Mill towards Keepers, but as he got closer, the furious speech he had been practising the whole way there disappeared from his head, noises from inside the little cottage drowning out the words he had prepared. He had wanted to confront Robert, but someone had beaten him to it.

 

Liv.

 

‘’I saw you ya know, creeping out of the house this morning. What are you playing at Rob?’’

‘’Liv, it’s not what you think, can I just explain please?’’

‘’No Robert, you had your chance. Aaron’s given you a million chances and you just keep throwing them back in his face. Do you really hate us that much?’’

‘’No Liv, I love you, both of you.’’

‘’Then why run out on him?’’

‘’Because I panicked okay, I got scared and I just needed to get out, clear my head.’’

‘’Scared of what?’’ Liv’s voice dropped and Aaron had to edge closer to hear them both.

‘’That I’d lose it all again, stuff it up as per usual.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I had it all before, you and your brother, and I lost you both. Then I had Seb, and I lost him. And last night…’’

‘’What is it Rob?’’ Liv’s voice had softened considerably, all the harsh edges gone as she waited for Robert to speak again.

‘’Hearing Aaron tell me he loved me, well everything about last night, it meant more than anything has ever meant to me before. It was perfect Liv, and every time I’ve had something that good I’ve thrown it away. The idea of you and him being back in my life, I thought I’d never have it again, and I just keep thinking that I don’t deserve this, like I’m dreaming and it can’t be real.’’ Robert’s voice was wobbling as he spoke, and Aaron desperately wanted to storm through the door and comfort him.

‘’Rob…’’ Liv started, but Aaron didn’t wait around to hear any more. Creeping away from Keepers, he walked quickly back home, barely in the door before he sank to the ground, his heart pounding as he replayed everything he had just heard.

 

 

Hours passed by with no word from Robert, and Aaron was perched nervously on the couch, biting his nails as he hovered over his phone, waiting for a text to come from Liv. He had put her on Robert duty, her shift at the pub allowing her to know when Robert stopped by. He would, Aaron knew him well enough to know that. He’d down a shot of whiskey to steady his nerves and then come to Aaron, full of explanations. But Aaron was determined to get to him first.

_He’s here._

The text came through from nowhere, Aaron nearly having given up hope of it happening at all. Bracing himself, he marched resolutely out of the Mill and towards the pub.

Barrelling through the double doors, he saw Robert turn towards him, a look of guilt, shame and love on his face. Before he could open his mouth though, Aaron placed his lips on his, replicating the same electrifying kiss that they shared the previous night in the Mill. He didn’t care who was watching, didn’t care about the murmurings that started as soon as it happened; all he cared about was kissing his husband.

‘’It’s real.’’ He whispered softly to his stunned husband once he pulled away, Robert looking utterly confused about what had just happened. He could hear Gerry wolf whistling in the corner, but he ignored him.

‘’You’re not the only one who can eavesdrop on private conversations’’ He continued, with a cheeky glint in his eye. It took Robert a moment to twig, and Aaron saw it as soon as the registered, the way his eyes widened, just for a second, before softening.

‘’It’s real?’’ Aaron nodded.

''You're my home, Robert Jacob Sugden.''

''I am?''

‘’Always have been.’’ He confirmed as he gazed into Robert’s eyes.

‘’Always will be.’’ Robert replied, tears in his eyes, reaching forward and pulling Aaron into him for another kiss.

 

It was real.

**Author's Note:**

> I demand that if Alex is good enough to get a public kiss from Aaron, then so should Robert!!


End file.
